The Trinity I Never Knew

it might take a few tries
to look you in the eyes
and tell you i'm not afraid
to go along with all the other lies i've made
but you know i am
how could i not be?
i'm as good as dead out here
lost at sea
you know the one
the one i drowned in my loneliness
and i came back
to bury a treasure
to bury a dream
so that one day
you could dig it up
the exciting rush
the build up
the let down
the disapointment
so just forget about me
i won't forget you
the day you showed me the light
you taught me to fight
but now i never feel right
and i find myself needing that light
once, twice, three times again
man overboard, over the top
shooting towards the stars
a passing through my head
but it's over now i'm almost dead
there's an itch on the top of my brain
and the only way i feel relieved
is if i write it all out of me
all of my sadness and hatered
but the thing is
is that i know you can't see the pattern
because i relate the unrelated
to make out the meaning
was it to make out,
or to make up?
now i'm not sure
if i'm talking about God, a girl, or my family
sometimes they seem the same
the trinity i never knew
i know it's hard to live for something
that you can't see
yet a person will their lives
trying to achieve a status
or find peace in their hearts
so then what's their problem?
but a girl...
such a complicated word
it holds a past, and different faces
and a mirror holds the truth
but you know i'm being vague
so that i can fall back
in to the holes i left in my words
i won't be pinned down
by my wandering mind
so put down your map
you won't find me