Say Never

don't you see what i want?
to be an open book
but i'm afraid the dust on
these pages will make you choke
but it always comes back to me
in some sort of dream
and there is no cure for death
unless you try to believe
i think that this just might lead
to a world that's a bit more happy
i'm gunna need one soon
or i'll be dead, high and dry by noon

does anyone you know
own a time machine?
we are so close to perfection
and i can't bear it
i am frail
i am weak
i am lost
i am dangerous
i am scatter brained
i will hurt you
even if i don't mean to
i am sorry
i am a horrible friend
to you, him, her, myself
but this doesn't mean shit
to you, him, her, myself
we all still hate eachother
but it's mostly me
so i sit in a room
that's so bright i squint my eyes
and i think i'm thinking out loud
but i'm not
brave
well i never said i was
so even if you knew anyone
with a time machine
i'd regret my fear and loss
so we'd end up back right where we started

i want to drowned out my thoughts
with the flow of my music
or this horrible river of tears
but it only makes me sick
of all my far from perfections
i feel so... i can't think of the word
but i know it's not good
there was a time when i knew
the meaning of that word
it has been lost to the river
where my bodie lies now
and i can't see myself
so fuck it
i'm angry and sad
i don't know where i am
i smile too much
can't organize my thoughts
not even enough for this
piece of shit poem
i'll throw it away
and never go home
i didn't know she cared like that
so it hurts me to know
that i am no one
it's what i want her to think
i am going down
i'm sinking too fast
at last...

maybe i brought it on myself
but i couldn't ask for anything
not a thing from you
and i don't feel like singing
yesterday i was in an accident
i am fine
i think they are too
we just left the car behind
the front end all smashed in
like some kind of accordion
the happiness is gone
from the deapths of our skin
and this is what i get
for complaining over nothing
the medics were discussing
about a woman that's rusting
she's old and needs to lay down
in the back of an ambulance
headed to a far away town
we sat on a lawn
not far from the scene
with all the papers
and police talkin to me
and i don't want to see myself cry
but i can't help it, no
this guilt is what does me in
we're all shaken up, i know
i'm sorry i'm sorry
i cant even spit the words out
but she embraced me
"it's nothing to worry about"
"it's called an accident for a reason"
i'm sure it could be worse
but of all the things that happened
i'm just glad you weren't hurt
we were stuck out there
so we had to wait for a ride
we left empty handed
but sure we were alive
i'm not sure i can afford this
it all comes with a cost
our perfect escape was lost
to the hands of a coin toss
it's a chance that i took
but i didn't know it could happen
in not even a second
but this is not the end
for us

sometimes i wonder
if there is a girl out there
with bright blond hair
and if she cares
if she ever thinks of me
and if i broke her heart
because i'm lookin for a home
i'm tired of pushing this cart
and even if we never meet
we still feel the strings
wrapped around our necks
and all these other things
i can't explain
but the difference is
is that i have loved
but she becomes his
and i don't know what my future holds
all i know
is that i want to hold you
and never let go
but i know we feel like shit
and i don't know how i do this
because i never meant to
turn this all into ruins
a crumbling old home
we need to fix the walls
but we are getting back on track
with all the regular calls
i look at your picture
and i want to touch you
your heart
because that's all i can do
i'm a shitty poet
i want to be more like them
i want a reason to write
or a resurection