i write so i don't have to explain
so that i can hold back and use restraint
i am closed
but we are close
and sometimes it's easier
to keep my mouth shut
to keep my eyes lookin' ahead
to keep my ears open
to keep my hands off
but i know you'll assume the worst
of this excuse of literature
i'm sorry if i'm vague
it's the broad spectrum
that puts me in place
and makes me feel better
these poems are my life line
i don't feel right
when i don't write
my heart pumps ink
and i write in blood
these words are true to me
always puting myself down
thinking that i'm thinking out loud
and maybe i need to stop
this poluted idiotic written shit
...
so if i die
you'll know why

it might take a few tries
to look you in the eyes
and tell you i'm not afraid
to go along with all the other lies i've made
but you know i am
how could i not be?
i'm as good as dead out here
lost at sea
you know the one
the one i drowned in my loneliness
and i came back
to bury a treasure
to bury a dream
so that one day
you could dig it up
the exciting rush
the build up
the let down
the disapointment
so just forget about me
i won't forget you
the day you showed me the light
you taught me to fight
but now i never feel right
and i find myself needing that light
once, twice, three times again
man overboard, over the top
shooting towards the stars
a passing through my head
but it's over now i'm almost dead
there's an itch on the top of my brain
and the only way i feel relieved
is if i write it all out of me
all of my sadness and hatered
but the thing is
is that i know you can't see the pattern
because i relate the unrelated
to make out the meaning
was it to make out,
or to make up?
now i'm not sure
if i'm talking about God, a girl, or my family
sometimes they seem the same
the trinity i never knew
i know it's hard to live for something
that you can't see
yet a person will their lives
trying to achieve a status
or find peace in their hearts
so then what's their problem?
but a girl...
such a complicated word
it holds a past, and different faces
and a mirror holds the truth
but you know i'm being vague
so that i can fall back
in to the holes i left in my words
i won't be pinned down
by my wandering mind
so put down your map
you won't find me

it is not safe
to make an assumption
on someone's written words
it can lead to pointlessness
people are made up of fear
and live their lives accordingly
but it's hard to blame you
so i blame myself
again and again
'till my face turns blue
it's always turning blue
but i'm not going to drink
from that fountain of temporary youth
or immaturity
i've said i don't
but i know why
it might be a choice to hate
but i can't help it
so if you're going to make a theory
know that i hate it
and you'll never really know
why i'm stuck with the blues
or why strumming my guitar
provides a sense of healing
but i wonder what you would think
if you heard me
or my words
that speak of hatred
in this god awful poem

you don't have
to take a picture
to remember this
it is burned into
our memories
even though we
don't ever want to
look back
i'm sorry for
your loss
and that you have
gone blind,
mother

i am given a blank page
and i am giving up
on this trying to be unique
we must conform, no point in being tough
trying to fight it
will only make it worse
harder to cope with
harder to be alive on this lonely little earth
i am not trying to say anything
that would make you hate me
only observing and sharing
all the shit that i see
or atleast what i read in a book
because they are always right
and we can give ourselves up
give our souls to books tonight
well God might get jealous
but does He even know us?
we don't know Him at all
so why would we care if He gets jealous?
but i see now the clouds are parting
and bombs are dropping
but they aren't man made
God's bombs of hate
they land in the water
on the mountains around our town
they land everywhere in this valley
maybe that's why a valley is sunken down
the past does nothing wrong
only repeats its self
like over-used broken record
as the bombs keep up we get closer to hell